Gather my courage
by xNomii
Summary: SB/RL - Sirius gathers all his courage and writes Remus a letter about how he feels. 'I love every scar that decorates your body. I love your body. I love it when you fall asleep on my shoulder, like you do every time we are on the Hogwarts train.' Slash.


**Gather my courage**

**Summary**: Sirius gathers all his courage and writes Remus a letter.  
**Word** **count**: 990

_Dear Moony,_

_You are probably thinking, who is writing me a letter? Well, I'll tell you, it's Sirius. And now, you are probably wondering, why I am writing you a letter because you saw me minutes ago. Well, I'll tell you that too. I'm writing you a letter because I want to tell you something. And not even with all the Gryffindor courage in the world I could force myself to just say it to your face. So I am just gathering my own courage to write it to you in a letter. _

_Now, about what I want to tell you, I don't really know how to say it. It's not something you can just write down, cause it'll come out wrong. I have my way with words, but not when I have to write it down. That always has been your specialty, you can turn everything on a page interesting, if you want to. I love that about you, you know. And I love the way you bite your nails when you're writing because you can't find the right words. And the way your hair always seems to fall in your face, which I am sure annoys you, because you always brush it away, but you don't just cut it short, I love that about you, too. _

_I love it when your touch lingers on my arm a little longer than it had on James' or Peter's. I love every scar that decorates your body. And your body, I love your body. I love it when you fall asleep on my shoulder, like you do every time we are on the Hogwarts train. I love it when your drunk, because then you get all touchy, and I love the feeling of your hands on my body. I love it that you always try to keep us out of trouble, even though you almost never succeed. I love the expression on your face when you do succeed to talk a crazy plan out of our heads. I love the way you always cut your bread in four pieces before eating it. I love you are always the first one to visit me when I'm in the infirmary, and I love that I'm the first one you let you visit when you're in the infirmary. I love it that you see some good in everyone, even in the Slytherins. I loved the way you smiled when we first showed you we became animagi, and I still love the smile you give me every time I turn into my four-legged alter-ego. I love it I can get you to do almost everything if I promise to give you some chocolate. I love the way you can get so engulfed in a book, you don't even notice what happens around you. I love that you always know a solution to everything, and that you always seem to know what to say. And I love the way you curl up on the couch when your cold. _

_And your eyes, don't even get me started on your eyes. I love the way they are able to just look right trough me, directly into my soul. I love it when your eyes meet mine. I love it when you roll them at almost any stupid prank I come up with, though you always help me to perform it when I ask you. I love the small green dots in your amber eyes. I love the way your they sparkle when you're happy. I love it that I can tell how you feel, just by looking at them. I love the way your eyes seem to give light in the dark. _

_I love every single opportunity I get to stare at you. I love that, you are just there, not going away. I love that you are friends with me for me, and not because of my family._

_And you know why I love all these things about you? Because I love you, Moony, you. And not just as a friend, I am in love with you. I dream about kissing you, holding you, marking you mine. And I don't know if that makes me gay, or bi-sexual. I'm okay with being just Remus-sexual. And even though, I am almost sure you are straight, and not attracted to me in any way, I found that I needed to tell you. It took me a while to finally accept it, but I did, and I want to ask you, that when you don't like me, though I really hope you do like me, but when you don't, you can live with me being in love with you. _

_If you don't love me the same way I love you, don't feel guilty. It may cost some time, but I'm sure we can get things back to normal. I'm sure._

_If you do feel the same way, than please come to the oak tree next to the lake, which is where I'm going after I finish this letter and put it on your pillow. I'll wait for you, all night. If you don't come ,I'll know you don't feel the same way. I will try my very best to forget you. And if you don't want to, you don't have to speak to me about this. If you really want to, we can pretend this never happened. That I never wrote this and you never read it. Even though I hope, this'll not happen. Naturally I hope you love me the same way I love you. And if you don't, I hope we can talk about it, to prevent awkwardness. But if you really want to, I'll pretend it didn't happen. I'll do anything for you. _

_I'm sorry if this letter will ruin our friendship, but I had to tell you. I hope I'll see you tonight, I really do. And if I don't, I'm sorry._

_Forever yours,  
Padfoot._

**A/N I hope you liked it! Maybe a review on your way out? Please tell me if you noticed an error, I will be happy to correct it. **  
**Oh, and do you think this story should be a T or a K+, or a K. Cause I didn't knew.**

**Please review and tell me what you think, I always love to hear it! **


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